velléité - a vague desire

You rise and shine, ready to take on the world, sometimes with a little doubt in your head, "Will I be able to do it?" it says.

As you keep progressing, you keep on shining yet there's still a faint voice in your head saying "Am I doing this right?"

Then there comes a time, when you're at your highest, everyone has their eyes on you and you are shining the brightest yet there's still that little voice in your head saying "Did I do good?"

And once the shine starts to fade, you still be afraid for there's still a doubt in your head, "Did I do enough?" it says.

Why is it? Why is the doubt always there? What is the answer to it?

Validation. Validation is the answer. Seeking validation is an everyday activity for the most of us. One seeks validation for surety, but one needs validation when one lacks self trust and confidence. There's a fine line in between seeking validation and needing validation. Seeking validation at times is okay, it gives one comfort, but needing it is not. When you come to realise that you need validation for everything you do, that's where it gets ugly because that's when your sole goal may change. The "Need" will start creating a conflict between your internal values and feelings, for your motive will change from focusing on yourself to pleasing others. Needing validation for everything you do is toxic. You'll be busy thinking "Did I do good?" while others would be wondering "how did you do it all?"

You get validation for everything you do, it's just unsaid, or unheard by you. You keep waiting for someone to validate you but at the end of the day, the only person you need validation from is yourself. You should be satisfied with what you did and what you achieved rather than prioritising others' opinions and approvals.

We all want to fit in and we seek surety for the times when we may go wrong. When we are ousted because of a choice we make without seeking any approval, it hurts, but it is what builds us and helps us take a stand of our own. Afterall, it is safer to step into this crazy world and explore in the maze rather than sticking with the need for approval and setting your boundaries to it.

Ask yourself and think about it, what would you do if you weren't afraid? What if you didn't rely on the validation?